Yet another..

Hope is but an empty word, the damner of souls..

Another great day..

Yesterday and the day before that I have spent being with Them..
The little girls father still didn't get his money so he's not there yet, but he will be coming any day now, so it's finally over until things get clear..
I'm single for the time being.. I don't want to, but I have to be single..
This sucks..

Ohh and just so I can say that my life is "grrrrreat!" today my dad told me that my last living grandparent, my mothers mother is in hospital and it seems like she won't make it until this years Christmass..
Should I say YAAAAY! or something? Is this supposed to make things better or what? What the fuck is happening with my life and why is it happening?

It was wonderful..

So it is over.. No more frustrating moments, no more tears.. Yeah.. And I'm a pro wrestler..
It hurts.. It really hurts.. The feeling when your future, your happiness, your dreams are torn away from you by the prson you love the most on this whole frickin' planet.. By the person who you've been dreaming of.. It really hurts..

People say, that the things that doesn't kill you, only make you stronger.. Bullshit.. The thing that really hurts you, is always killing you.. Little by little, day by day.. These things make you feel and look like you're stronger in the end, but you will always know deep down that you're getting weaker by the second..

It really hurts..

And still.. I love her.. The only thing that's left for me is hope.. And I'm damn well going to hold to it, because if I wouldn't, I would lose the last spark of the meaning of my life..

I loved you! I love you! I'll love you!

Guess what?..

Now I'm on my way home.. Again.. This time for an indefinite amount of time.. It can vary between a week and a month..  I can only hope it won't be longer..
Even before I stepped trough the door I began missing them.. It's really hard..
And even though I only left half an hour ago it has already started to rain shit.. It turns out that almost everyone I left them with, is a two-faced piece of shit..
And on top of everything -just so I feel the love of the universe- I'm drenching in the rain.. Great!
And just now even the bus driver shut the door in my face.. Thank you Life!
Really! Thank you!

Boing..

The interview was too good, the first day (without payment) was real bad and there won't be anymore days in this job for me..

Right now I'm going back to see the reasons of why I live.. It's been only a few days since I last saw them, but it feels like weeks have passed..
I really miss them..
I don't know how long will I stay or what will happen, but I know that I'm going to be happy the rest of this day..

Wait.. Be patient.. Dream.. Hope..

Okay, so I'm on my way to a job interview.. Hopefully it will turn out good and I'll get the job..
It would be great.. Not just because the money,  but because then I wouldn't have so much time to think and would be much happier..

And it begins..

So this is it.. The beginning of the end..

I left about half an hour ago and it is horrible..  I don't know how I will make it through this.. It feels like I've already lost them..

Fuck..  I hate this..

Why is this happening?